Saturday, June 09, 2018

Phone conversations

seven minutes and forty four seconds
was how long we spoke yesterday
why can't you say I love you, you ask
but don't you know I cannot
I find it easier to write
because when my mouth opens to form those words
they don't come out
and instead
I hear all the I love you's
that were spoken to me before
and not meant
If you don't mean something
if you don't feel something
how can they come out of your heart and travel all the way up and out of your mouth into your lover's ears
but with me they don't come out because they are too heavy to escape the wild beating frantic-ness of my heart
and I cannot mouth the words that roll around on my tongue
because now I no longer know whether I mean them or not
what do we talk about
since twenty questions get me two answers
and then I do not want to feel like I am breaching your privacy
even though you call me your life and say I am your weakness
but if you don't tell me details I can never love you
for I need to know everything about you and not just bits and pieces
so tell me everything you do and think of and speak and I will fall in love with you everytime we have a conversation
even if it is seven minutes forty four seconds long
and then perhaps I will say I love you
because then the words would escape me and fly into you

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