Thursday, May 31, 2018

comfort is us

yesterday I dreamt that i had died
and i panicked a little
because it would mean
i would not be able to wake next to you
even though we sleep
not always on the same bed
but sometimes in the other room
sometimes in another house
but always with thoughts of you.
how you make that grumpy face when the sunlight streams through the windows
that I refuse to cover with curtains.
for curtains make me uncomfortable
take me back to places I don't want to go
to people I wish i could forget
the touch and smell of.
sometimes you get annoyed before you have even opened your eyes
buy some curtains or take out the old ones from the loft you say
but how do I explain the panic in my chest
at the thought of curtained windows
and curtained doors
so I look away and pretend to be asleep
then you fall asleep when I shade you with my body and I wonder
whether our lovemaking is an excuse for the annoyance we mask inside.
but then I drift off to sleep again and
you turn me over and pull me to you and we go back to the shared comfort of domestic bliss
like travellers who have travelled all over the world and stayed in the best hotels but still
come back to rest on a broken cot in their room
because that is what comfort feels like
like you
like me
like us

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